emotional breakdown...

just back from Sydney...
my emotion is getting really bad...
somehow...it is becoz of my body...i dont feel well...
i've lost all of my confidence to myself...
i have been trying so hard to control...
but whenever i look at myself...i hate it...
i look terrible...
i think ppl most probably think in the same way...

that night...mid-autumn festival night...before my Sydney flight...
i really couldn't help but cried...
i cried so badly in uniform before my briefing...
i have started to detest myself...

i know...no one could help me except my own self...
but...it's really hard...really...
when u go down somewhere deep...
it's not as easy to come out as u thought it should be...

i am looking forward for an opened-windown from a closed-door room...